The Beginning

Hi my name is Page and I'm adopted. Yes that's me Page the adoptee. When I tell people this they look at me like I have a disease. No adoption is not catchy don't worry. I've always known I was adopted. I was a foster kid for many years and when I came to my AP house I was 7 almost 8 and knew this is were I wanted to stay. I did not want to move anymore. I told them they were going to be my mommy and daddy. I wanted a family so bad it hurt. I would do anything to please them. I was on my best behavior all the time and went out of my way to be good. There were other children in the house who were also foster kids. They weren't as good and didn't want to be. They were older and wanted to live a crazy life. Drinking and drugs is what made them feel better. I never could understand this. I knew all I wanted was to have a mommy and daddy that hugged me when they put me to bed and who told me they were proud of me. I wanted to feel loved. I never felt love before then. I never remember anyone hugging me or holding me close. I don't remember anyone saying they loved me or were proud of me. I do remember pain and sadness. I remember being alone and afraid. Of crying myself to sleep because I was hungry and scared to ask for food. I don't remember any people in my life I only remember feelings. feelings that were easily hurt and hurt often.

I don't even have a baby picture or a birth certificate. I can't compare myself to my two beautiful daughters because the first picture I have is at 7.5 from the foster parents that later adopted me. How sad is that. I never wanted to do a family tree in school because I didn't have a family. Yes I have my adopted family but to me they were not my family tree until I got older and understood adoption more. I knew what it meant to be adopted but did not know what it really meant to be chosen by a family. They chose me, they wanted me, they loved me.

I've always wondered. Why? Why did this happen to me why did she not want me why did my life have to be so hard. I think because every person has a certain path they must take in there life and this is my path. It's a bit crooked but it's mine. It's got lots of bumps but who's doesn't.